How we grieve, what it does to us, and why this is universally recognisable

For many, a pet is part of the family. They give us emotional support and a simpler, pure form of love. They are our fur babies, best friends and loyal confidants. However, pets often have a shorter lifespan than humans. This means that we are often confronted with the heartbreaking loss of a pet.

The loss of a pet affects us more deeply than many are willing to admit. Grief over a pet is often underestimated, not because the sadness is insignificant, but because our society lacks clear language for this type of loss. The bond with a dog, cat or other animal is intimate, daily, self-evident and, precisely because of that, profound.

This article explores how people cope with the death of a pet, through psychology, culture, rituals, social dynamics and frequently asked questions, so that you understand why and how long this grief may last.

The psychological perspective: why grieving for a pet feels so intense

When a pet dies, a form of adhesion rupture which is comparable to losing a person. Pets offer unconditional love, stability and rhythm. No judgement, no agenda. That is precisely why their absence feels so acute.

People often experience the following when faced with this loss:
• Deep attachment pain – you lose a relationship, no big deal.
• Identity shift – you were a carer; now no one needs you in an empty house.
• Loss of routine – the quiet basket, the absence of footsteps... micro-things that secretly made your day more enjoyable and made you feel at home.

About anticipatory grief

Grief sometimes begins before death. When someone becomes ill or elderly, you may feel a lingering sadness. People are often startled by this “pre-grief”, but it is a normal human process. Your brain is trying to prepare itself for what is to come. Being aware of this can sometimes make the blow a little easier to bear, because you don't only start to feel it when the animal has died.

About guilt and doubt, especially in euthanasia

Many people feel guilt or doubt when they have had an animal put down. Was it the right time? Could you have done more? Unfortunately, these thoughts are part of this kind of loss. Euthanasia is not a failure but a final act of care, however difficult it may be. Doubt afterwards does not mean you were wrong, it means you want the best for your animal.

The social angle: why many mourn in silence

Mourning the loss of a pet is a ‘grey area’ in many Western countries. You are not granted bereavement leave. There is no established ritual and few words to describe this specific type of grief.

Typical reactions that push people away:
• “Fortunately, it's only an animal.”
• “Just take a new one.”
• “It could be a lot worse.”

These comments make grief more difficult. People who lose their dog, cat or other animal are more likely to hide their sadness. As a result, the grieving process takes longer and the loss feels more painful. The most important social lesson: grief knows no hierarchy. Grieving for a pet is real, logical and deserves recognition.

Other cultures: how rituals help with the grieving process for pets

There are beautiful rituals around the world for dealing with the death of pets. They show how important shared grief is.

Japan

Pets have a fixed place in the family system here. There are pet cemeteries, Buddhist ceremonies and rituals that give animals spiritual continuity. The mourner is seen and supported.

Mexico

During Day of the Dead Deceased animals are also given a place on the altar. People share memories, food and stories. Loss is not hidden away but celebrated with loved ones in gratitude.

Indigenous North American traditions

Many tribes see animals as spirit helpers. When an animal dies, it is not only the end of a relationship but also a transformation. Grief revolves around the question: “What did this animal bring into my life?” It's good to reflect on this yourself.

Netherlands

Our approach is often practical: for example, by scattering ashes. The emotional dimension often remains private, which means that comfort is less shared. We could learn a lot from cultures in which mourning for pets is given a place, rather than being pushed aside.

If you ask me?

Be glad that you knew the animal and be grateful for the beautiful moments you shared. It is better to grieve for what you loved than to remain dry because you never knew anything. In addition, it is okay to feel things and talk about them, even when it comes to animals. Emotions are simply a core part of the most complex animal ever: humans!

The existential perspective: why it leaves such a void

Pets break through loneliness. They bring structure, humour, rhythm and gentleness to everyday life. They are always there for us, help us to pause and reflect on moments, and make us more human.

When a pet dies:
• if that anchor falls away,
• our vulnerability comes to the surface,
• and we search for meaning once again.

This kind of loss is not only about grief and mourning, but also about who you are without the animal that was (part of) your world for years.

About the intensity of grief over a pet

Grieving for a pet can be as difficult as grieving for a human being, and sometimes even more so. This is because the relationship with an animal is so pure: daily companionship, mutual dependence and unconditional love. When that connection is lost, it does not feel like a minor or exaggerated loss, but a significant one. Many people are shocked by the intensity of their grief. It helps to know that this is normal. You are not reacting to the loss of a refrigerator, but to the loss of someone who shaped your life.

The relational perspective: how to support someone grieving for a pet

Grief becomes easier to cope with when sadness is seen, heard and shared. Support does not have to be grand, but it does need to be sincere.

What helps:
• Select a photograph that truly captures the character of their animal.
• A small ritual or tribute at the animal's favourite place.
• Expressing memories together so that they remain alive.
• Write a letter acknowledging the loss rather than minimising it.

Grief is not a competition to see who can cry the least; it is an important emotional process that we must make room for and reflect on together with others. We can do that too. It is not sentimental to mourn an animal. It is proof of human attachment, of what the animal meant to you. People often love “such an animal” more than they realise. It's all very human!

Practical ways to cope with loss

In addition to emotions, practical matters also play a role. Grieving for a pet often becomes a little easier when you take small steps: a new morning routine, staying active, keeping a diary, or planning a moment of remembrance. If the grief continues to gnaw at you or disrupts your daily life, you can always seek professional support. This is not a sign that you are reacting ‘intensely’, it is a sign that you are human, and that this animal meant a lot to you.  

How you deal with the loss is up to you. But the way in which you lost your pet does colour the grieving process. If an animal dies in a dramatic or unexpected way, for example in an accident, or if euthanasia is difficult, it can even leave you traumatised. The death of a young animal, when you still had many years ahead of you, can also be very difficult to cope with. It feels as if the future has been taken away from you, and that blow affects your mental balance.

How can I support my child when they lose a pet?

The most important thing? Remain available, even weeks later. Children grieve in waves. Sometimes they seem to be ‘over it’, only for the sadness to return two months later. Give them space to ask questions or share memories again and again. Your stability will teach them that grief is not scary, but a normal, human response to love.

Be honest, simple and warm. Children cope better with grief when they are given space to feel and ask questions. Avoid complicated metaphors such as “He has gone to sleep” or “She has gone away”, as these can be confusing and sometimes even frightening for children. Describe what has really happened, in language that is appropriate for their age: clear, gentle and without drama. It is not about the ritual itself, but about the feeling that they control and meaning can create in a moment that feels chaotic.

Frequently asked questions

How long does it take to grieve for a pet?

There is no time limit. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months or longer. Grief does not follow a schedule and there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer here.

Is it normal to feel guilty after the death of my pet?

Yes. It means you took your animal seriously. Talk to someone about it. You haven't done anything wrong!

Would it help to get a new pet?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. A new animal does not fill an old place, but can bring new connections when you are ready for them. Think not only about what kind of animal you are looking for, but also about how your life has changed and what kind of animal would suit that.

Allow yourself to feel sad

In our society, people who are sad after the loss of a pet are often looked down upon. As if close bonds with animals are less valuable, or as if the grief should not be allowed to be complete. It is not strange and you should not be ashamed of it. Your grief only shows how much you loved the animal.

Give it time

Grieving takes time. On average, the grieving process after the loss of a pet lasts around eight months. However, it can also be shorter or longer; all feelings are okay, and the pain becomes less intense over time.

If you have recently lost someone, we offer our sincere condolences. We hope this article helps you to recognise and understand your feelings. Would you like to share your story or send a photo? Please send it to wesly@hfllaboratories.com

We are happy to help you remember your buddy!